Tag Archives: Truth

Déjà vu

The most recent tragic events with victims Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, and the Dallas shooting are reminding me of what we previously, in our slumber, thought were the “dark ages” (no pun intended) of slavery…”loooooong ago”. The accounts indicate that when we (black people) were plucked and trafficked to this stolen land from our African roots, we were perceived as “troublemakers”…”wild” and “untamed” (as if we were savage animals). So, wait a minute…you mean to tell ME that those who were manipulated, trapped, captured, sold and tortured were the ones who were the beasts??? Aw okay. So if that is how truth gets spun, then let’s spin it. IF, now since these hostages have been locked up, beaten, pissed and defecated on (by themselves), they DID exhibit beast-like behavior…who made that happen? Whose black magic transformed those warriors and builders of productive societies into maniacal menaces? They didn’t ASK to come here. They didn’t sign up to be the foundational cargo of the “founding” sociopaths who needed their creativity, expertise and strength to create this so-called “great” nation we now live in. They were DRAGGED into the “system” literally kicking and screaming.

But alas, they get here. The “taming” of the descendants of previous warriors had already happened. They had been “broken in”. They had witnessed enough consistent and persistent beatings, lynchings, rapes, and murders of their sons, daughters, wives, and husbands that they’d chosen to LIVE rather than continue to fight the new reality they were thrown into. Remembering the ways of their native land was dangerous, could cost them their life, and cause pain beyond the humiliation, degradation and denigration of the daily burdens they were forced to bear…so they eventually chose to forget. And when the “new blood” came in, that group was attacked from BOTH, the sociopaths who needed them to find their “place” and settle into it, AND from the black slaves who needed them to basically sit the hell down and NOT make trouble for the rest of them while being broken in.

Now fast forward to the FIRST civil rights era. We managed to unite our factions of blackness to self-advocate. Some of us learned how to “play nice” and “ask politely” (peacefully/non-violently) for those “inalienable rights” which had ALWAYS been “alienated” (literally “made alien” and absolutely unattainable) for us. Others were militant and didn’t give a damn about how they were perceived. At times these groups sabotaged each other out of fear that the other’s process (whether “too meek” or “too forward”) was causing us unnecessary suffering. But somehow we eventually got our rights…so we thought. We finally had the approval to be HUMAN. To sit among other humans. To drink out of the same fountains as other humans (…even if it did eventually get RE-segregrated underground and our portion pumped full of lead). And go to school with other humans. I mean, it was written that we got them…kinda like being told we were “free”, while really just contorting and constructing new ways to fashion the chains to let us know that the oppressor wasn’t readily giving up the possessions that we had become…basically putting into place a new “leash” for the beasts they originally created.

Leap forward to today. We are called “thugs” instead of “savages” or “beasts”. Raped, as our men and women are hypersexualized, and our style and culture is appropriated. We are disproportionately locked up, beaten, proverbially pissed on in the workplace (i.e., wage inequality), and defecated on (BY OURSELVES – i.e., colorism, socioeconomic judgment)…and those who don’t live in our skin wonder why we’re so pissed off. So “hostile”. So unable to “cooperate” or “comply”. So suffocated and unable to breathe. So on edge. So quick to play the “race card”…that’s the f*ckin deck we were DEALT! Every damn card in that b*tch is a JOKER…perceived to have no rank. [UNLESS, of course, you’re playing Spades…in that case, a takeover of those holding “normal” cards is imminent. But I digress…]

The ground is swelling from the insane burial rate of black bodies…and distended from the lack of justice. And to add insult to injury, we fight each other about our process for seeking it, while the Establishment is only too happy to continue to withhold it while we figure the sh*t out amongst ourselves…throwing distractions (“All Lives Matter”) in for good measure. Meanwhile, another black life is snuffed out. And just as we grow enraged about how the victim is portrayed; about the killer(s) not being indicted, let alone seeing the inside of a prison; about another daughter/son losing a dad; about another brother, husband, uncle, cousin, mentor, etc. is assassinated…yet ANOTHER black body gets added to the toll count and hashtagged.

I’m over knowing “my place”. I’m over being polite. I’ve over not calling a thing exactly what it is. I’m over having to bridle, tame, and explain myself. The writing is on the wall, and it’s written in blood: Let’s be honest…black lives have NEVER mattered in this country. That’s why people get so up in arms (LITERALLY) about those who declare they do. Those who are content in the privilege of perceived dominance have waged all-out war on black lives and character…physically, economically, and psychologically. Slaves aren’t bought…they’re made. The challenge we have now is to NOT get “slaughtered” into compliance again. The power structure is threatened. And what’s happening now is a last-ditch effort to restore its security. We can’t yield to the shenanigans.

They’re TRYING to push us into primal survival mode…because THEN their accusations appear to be accurate, and open season becomes sanctioned and justified.   Yeah-NAW. They’ve sabotaged themselves by their own greed. Too much, too often…and it’s triggered allies and co-authors in rewriting this narrative to wake up, speak up, and stand up in ways they never have before.  And HEAR ME when I say this: As MUCH as my humanity wants to point a physical finger at a physical person/group of people, it’s really not a “person” or group of people I’m referring to when I say “they” – although white privilege IS real…but at this point, it’s beyond any person.  This system has been FIRMLY established, and the white people of today are just the beneficiaries of the original intricate setup…whether they like it or not.  But it’s only a matter of time before the whole thing implodes on itself…and now warriors (black and otherwise) have been mobilized to accelerate the process. I hope I live to see the day it utterly falls.   #STAYAWAKE #endofanera

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What’s Your Address?

Live the life you LOVE

What’s keeping you where you are? Whether it be your home, your school, your job/business/career, your marriage, or your religion/church…examine and be conscious of the power of the glue that binds you to it. Love is far more powerful than fear. If you are there because you are afraid that it’ll be a mistake if you leave, that your soul will be tormented, what others will think of you or your decision, or even that nothing better exists for you and separating would make life hell for you…it is already on the verge of ending in calamity and no amount of “trying” will make it work. If you are there because your heart is content and you light up and are filled with joy and gratitude at the thought of being there, and wondering how in the world to create more things like it in your life…more is already on the way and any challenges will only increase the strength of your original “yes” to it.

In this moment of reflection and examination, make note of where your fears cause anxiety versus where your love abides. Once fear is dismissed from its imagined duty of protecting you from harm, if love grows there instead you have saved something precious from unnecessary ruin. If, however, you find that when you release fear, love leads you on another path, graciously release that situation and allow love to manifest and fortify your true heart’s desire. Fear and love cannot occupy the same space. Know the addresses of each and live accordingly.


“Give Me Free”

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There’s something magical about releasing oneself from the predictable, “safe”, and usual into the ambiguity, excitement, and risk of freedom.  I only know this because I’m exposing myself to this freedom more and more every day.  For us who have rarely, if ever, launched out into freedom’s waters it’s like riding a rollercoaster…we “oooo” and “aaaaahh” and wonder what it will feel like to take the riveting twists and turns because it looks so exciting from the “safe place”.  We might even convince ourselves to wait in the line and step onto the ride.  Get excited about the slow and steady ascent into “God only knows”…ooooonly to find ourselves wondering what the HEYULL we were thinking, once our neck snaps back at the first unanticipated turn of events on this new adventure.  Others, who are accustomed to and prepared for the sneaky twists, laugh at us and shake their heads because they’ve learned that freedom really means piloting their own course, while understanding that there will still be turbulence but they are fully confident that they will also reach their intended destination safely.

Nevertheless, ask any right-minded prisoner which they would choose, and s/he will tell you that freedom is the obvious choice all day long.  Yeah, “knowing” that 3 meals a day will be served, living indoors and being protected from the elements, with a regimented schedule has its own comforts because no thought or planning is required and the end of each day is pretty much known.  But the freedom to create a new outcome every single day, with myriad possibilities of life and living is a luxury worth the premium price of a little anxiety and a few “unknowns” which are bound to come.

So how does one create this freedom (because we CAN “create” freedom, from wherever we are)?  I guess it’s different for each person, but for me the first step is to release myself from the box of people’s perceptions of who I am and/or should be…even my own.  And, don’t get me wrong, this is much easier said than done…or so it feels.  It’s easy to flippantly say “I don’t give a f*ck about what people think”…but quite another to actually face a person or situation in this new space who “knew me when” that wasn’t the case.

Owning my freedom is about more than having a new mantra or slogan, but about actually owning ME.  This includes all that I am, as well as all that I am not…for better or for worse.  It is literally entering into covenant with myself to love, honor, and trust…MYSELF.  And not turning my back on myself and what is true for me and wherever I am on my journey, because someone that I esteem(ed) in a certain way viewed me in a different light and so I attempt to keep up that image rather than bear the nakedness of my truth.

Because my life started in such a tumultuous manner, and I experienced so many tragedies I learned to actually seek out hope.  I can find possibility and “dawn” in even the darkest of dark nights.  I became adept at this because it just didn’t make sense to be consumed by the darkness…although I almost gave in a couple of times.  But picking up this trait in this manner also came with the handicap of not being able to (or probably just not wanting to) face reality for what it is.  It comes at the cost of having the tendency to sweep major and glaring issues under the bed and just put a nice quilt over it, and hope that nothing that was swept under there was still living (and growing and festering, just waiting to slither its way back out).  This meant living in fear or being “found out” or uncovered, unraveled, and undone.

But there is freedom in truth…no matter how “ugly” it may be.  There is liberty in being honest about my fears and insecurities.  Understanding is no longer held hostage once the facade is released and the true reality is revealed for what it is.  Is it convenient?  Never.  Does it sometimes stink?  Depends on how long it’s been smoldering.  When things have been kept wrapped up for decades, they tend to be pretty fucked up when they’re uncovered…but that’s the only way healing can come.  Keeping things covered up only lends itself to infection and death, because no treatment can reach it.  The fresh air of new perspective can only come and hit it once the bandages of despondency and shame are ripped off.  Yes, it hurts but it’s only temporary.  And I’m DAILY talking myself out of covering it back up and slipping back into a cozy emotional coma.  Because although it doesn’t “have” to take forever, I’m learning that healing from trauma is a maintenance program rather than one-time purchase and one that requires patience and damn near supernatural grace.

I’m also finding that this ownership comes in waves, stages, rounds, and levels.  I kinda liken it to receiving an inheritance.  It would be easy to “blow it”, by not knowing what to do with it coming all at once…especially without already being accustomed to the freedom.  But mine seems to be on a time-released schedule.  As I’m digesting and processing more of who I am, more understanding comes and I’m better able to make decisions regarding who and how I choose to be.  I believe that the core of me is untouchable, and my raw and essential self flavors and colors all that I’m creating.  I’ve sensed this from a very young age.  But my palate hasn’t quite matured  or acquainted itself enough to handle all of my own true divinity.  But I’m getting there…


Occupy Your Space

In general, all people have insecurities.  We all have things that we wish we could do better, do more of, be recognized for, etc.  And there’s always going to be someone who looks more attractive, does a better job, wins more people, has more of a competitive edge, or is more magnetic than we think we are.  That’s just life. But what I’ve found is that when we fully occupy our OWN space, meaning that we do our best in all that WE are able to do, there is no room for insecurity.  Because in this space, I’ve done all that I can do.  I’ve blessed who I’m supposed to bless… I’ve smiled at who I’m supposed to smile at…  I’ve devoted my time and attention to the things I’ve committed to…  I’ve tended to my body in a manner that leaves nothing lacking…  I’ve made sure that those I love and care about know the depth of my love and appreciation for them…  I’ve committed myself to becoming the best “ME” that I can be, so that no one else can step in and assume (or CONsume) the space that is supposed to be designated for me.  And having done all of these things, I now…stand.

Sure it sounds like a LOT OF SHIT TO DO!!!!  I mean, who really does all of that???  Who leaves NOTHING “undone”??  Well, let me ask you this:  In a day, how many tasks do you reckon you’re able to accomplish on a regular basis?  20?  30?  100?  All things considered, most people complete at LEAST 1000 tasks in a day…  When I say “all things considered”, I mean it… 1) Get out of bed, 2) stretch, 3) walk across the room, 4) go to the bathroom, 5) wash your hands (and if you don’t, let me just tell you….THAT’S NASTY AS HELL!!! DON’T EVER SHAKE MY HAND!), 6) brush your teeth, 7) open the blinds….need I go on?  So in the “laundry list” of things I mentioned before, there weren’t that many things listed…Is it reasonable to say that you could do that and MUCH MORE, if you put your attention to it?  Absolutely.

What brought about this blog?  I’d been feeling somewhat “inadequate” in my own mind.  Regardless of the things I do and all those I come in contact with on a regular basis, because some basic goals and aspirations hadn’t been met, I began to question what I was “missing”.  What didn’t I have that the next person had?  What made this other person so much more successful in this particular area?  How was I continuously overlooked or seemingly un(der)developed in these things?  The answer:  I wasn’t fully occupying my space.

We were all born with various gifts, talents, abilities, passions, capacities, etc.  But most of us don’t always bring all that we are to the table.  Why?  Well, I won’t dare speak for you, but for me I didn’t feel worthy to own up to my TRUE self…the self that had such a presence that was the same kind of “beautiful” that I could so appreciate when I saw that same energy on someone else.  [I could definitely relate to the prose by Marriane Williamson that reveals that our deepest fear is not anything outside of us, but rather our own best self!]  And in fact, I was so busy admiring (and in some cases being jealous or envious of) someone else’s “flair” that I didn’t appreciate or invest time and energy into developing the things that IIII do extraordinarily.  I was so busy wishing I could have the finances of the next person, that I didn’t pour myself fully into the opportunities that had been given to me, to better my financial future.  Too much energy and self-loathing wishing my body looked like someone else’s that I didn’t express love to myself and make sure that I was putting my own “best” forward.  I could paint the details of this picture forever, but I think you get the point.

The point of this entry is to encourage you to pay attention to the space you were meant to occupy, and DO IT!!  No one else can effectively and adequately stand on your stage.  Not one other person can give the love that YOU were meant to give.  No one else can write the poems, the books, the songs that were birthed out of your unique experiences.  Of all the beautiful people in the world, no one will be beheld with the same awe and admiration as when you grace the world with the essential and authentic energy that you are and will attract just because you fell in love with YOU. 

No “embellishment” necessary…you have and are everything you need to be.  No petty jealousy necessary…it’s impossible for him/her to “beat you” giving your unique flavor of love (I HATE that show, by the way…that phrase just fit in this instance).  And so on…

If we would but only learn the power that we represent and can demonstrate, in full essence.  If we would but dare to be introduced to the greatness that permeates our very being.  If ONLY we would stop being intimidated by our real selves, and stop running from the responsibility of our richness… Phew!

Take your stage.  Own your truth.  Occupy your space.